We are also greatly influenced by our classmates in school. They might continually tell you that you are fat, ugly or uncool. After a while, you might start believing this to be fact and start perceiving yourself as fat, ugly and uncool. Or the kids at school may be physically abusive to you. Consequently, you may start to infer from this that you are weak because of your inability to defend yourself and start believing it to be fact. When we accept something to be fact and form a belief, it is stored in our subconscious mind.
Our subconscious mind does not know or care if the belief is true or false. It simply stores it as fact for later use. Our subconscious mind acts as our autopilot to make our life easier and to keep us safe.
It serves to help automate our actions and responses to certain situations. Think about how you act automatically when crossing a busy street. Because you have been taught and hold the belief that the situation can be dangerous, you automatically look both ways to make sure the street is clear before you cross. It is an automatic response. Similarly, we have hundreds, even thousands of other beliefs that create automatic thoughts and responses.
Many of these beliefs are true and serve us well. But there are even more that are not based on fact and only serve to hold us back in a negative way. When we have deeply-rooted beliefs that we cling to subconsciously, our minds will constantly look for proof to validate and bolster them.
How we think, act, and feel is based upon these beliefs. We might even take special notice every time we notice a dog growl and view it as evidence of how dogs are dangerous animals, and we feel afraid. Conversely, we might even neglect to notice when a friendly dog wags its tail and approaches us in a docile manner. It is as if we are experiencing the world through filtered lenses because of our beliefs.
Beliefs can be empowering or limiting in nature. Limiting or negative beliefs prevent us from fulfilling our true potential, hold us back, and give rise to negative thoughts and emotions. Empowering or positive beliefs, on the other hand, allow us to act resiliently, believe in ourselves, and invoke positive thoughts and emotions. In a sense, our beliefs create our sense of reality. Yet, most people are not aware of their own beliefs because they have never taken the time to analyze them carefully.
This explains why some people thrive and succeed despite the most difficult circumstances while others fail. It all boils down to our beliefs. Now imagine how we will think, feel and act based on the examples of the following limiting and empowering beliefs:. Limiting belief: I need to be wealthy to be happy Empowering belief: I can choose to be happy no matter what the circumstances.
Limiting belief: My body type is such that I cannot lose weight no matter what I do Empowering belief: I can be slim and healthy if I exercise and eat right.
Limiting belief: My family background limits what I can become in life Empowering belief: I can become anything I want to with the proper training and effort.
Limiting belief: I cannot start a business because I do not have the capital Empowering belief: I can start a business by meeting the right people and getting an investor. Limiting belief: I am ugly and unappealing Empowering belief: I am attractive and desirable. Limiting belief: I am too old to do something Empowering belief: My age means that I have the experience and wisdom to do anything.
Limiting belief: I will never find the right person for me and get married Empowering belief: The right person for me is out there. I simply need to get out and meet people. Limiting belief: Most people are dishonest and out to cheat me Empowering belief: The majority of people are honest and kind. Limiting belief: I am not a good public speaker and will embarrass myself if I speak on stage Empowering belief: I can speak about any subject if I research and prepare myself.
Those are just a few examples. Remember, we tend to do everything possible to validate and reinforce our beliefs. We will think, feel and act accordingly.
It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is how powerful our beliefs are. Now you understand why it is so important to examine our beliefs, something that most people have never done. It is also very important to identify our limiting beliefs so that we can start replacing them with empowering ones. After all, why would we want to live with these limiting and constraining beliefs that hold us back, make us unhappy, and prevent us from exploiting our full potential?
In order to find out what your limiting beliefs are, you have to spend some time asking yourself some questions. While this part requires some soul-searching and effort, it is worth it because it can be life changing. This exercise is most effective when you write it down with no distractions. Take your time and write down the answers to these questions.
These very well might be some of the most difficult questions you have ever asked yourself, and that is the way it should be. Be honest with yourself and take your time. Just keep in mind that the rewards are immensely gratifying and worth it.
Once you have identified your limiting beliefs, it is time to replace them with empowering ones. This is a simple task that requires repetition and effort. This is because we have spent years and years subscribing to and reinforcing our limiting beliefs so they have become ingrained. But the great news is that these beliefs can be undone and substituted with ones that will empower us. Pick a limiting belief and think about how that belief has held you back and worked against you.
Perhaps that has led you to distrust the people you are dating and that leads to arguments and, eventually, a sour break up. You might realize that you do not believe your kids even when they are telling the truth, which leads to you constantly checking up on and annoying them. Or maybe you have no close friends because you are afraid to get close to someone for fear that they might hurt you by being dishonest. Pick a limiting belief that you have and think of some evidence that proves that the belief is false.
Using our previous example of distrust of others, you might think of the time that the person you were dating told you the truth about something even though you know it was difficult for him or her to do so. Or you might think about all the times your kids did the right thing despite you not being around.
Or you may think about a past friendship where your friend never lied to you or let you down. Let the evidence sink in until you know in your heart and mind that your limiting belief was false.
Really spend some time thinking about this until you know that your limiting belief was not based on reality. You can challenge the belief and remind yourself that you are safe, right now, which can help you to shift your focus from the anxiety to what action needs to be taken and get present in the moment. Another example might show up in your career or in relationships.
However, you notice that as you take steps towards your career goal, you find yourself sabotaging your success, procrastinating , feeling anxious and avoiding what you need to do. Why do I keep stalling? I want this goal!! Uncovering your core beliefs helps you to take charge of your life. To recognize the unconscious forces that drive your thoughts and behavior, which ultimately empowers you to do something different. To change your beliefs, and ultimately change your life. Core beliefs can be challenging to change as they are often hidden, automatic beliefs, which have also become part of our identity.
Learning to identify, challenge and reframe your self-defeating thoughts and core beliefs is an important step in emotional health. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy CBT offers several strategies to help identify and change your core beliefs. Here is a straightforward approach to challenging core beliefs:. Here is a list of positive thoughts and feelings to guide you. You can also create a positive affirmations to help affirm new core beliefs. Discover core beliefs by starting with a negative, automatic thought and asking why it would be upsetting to you if were true.
Continue generating a series of negative thoughts until you reach the core belief by asking:. For example, Jane has expressed a feeling of helplessness and worthlessness because her daughter refused to clean her room.
The purpose of this version of the exercise is to identify what you are really afraid of. What is the underlying fear or catastrophe you are trying to avoid? You can think of your core beliefs as core fears. SImilar to the above exercises, this version gets to unhelpful core relationship beliefs. Follow these steps:. Now go back and look for distortions among your answers, responding reasonably at each step.
For example:. Examples of core beliefs. Rational response : I want to be loved or approved by most people, and I will try to act in a respectful manner so they will. But it is inevitable that some people, for their own reasons, will not like or accept me. Rational response : I will strive to do my best rather than to be the best. Rational response: it is probably in my best interest to face this thing and render it less dangerous, and, if that is impossible, I will stop dwelling on it and being fearful.
Worry will not stop it from happening. Even if it happened I could cope with it. Living is just that; resting and avoiding are often legitimate intervals in a full life, but they are counterproductive if they occupy the major part of my life. Identifying and working with your core beliefs takes time and practice. Sometimes, those beliefs are scarier because they require us to be vulnerable. This can be scarier than having a negative core belief. Therapy can help you change your core beliefs and create a more fulfilling life for yourself.
Contact a therapist to find out more at or schedule an appointment online. In-person and online counseling is available. Tags: anxiety , cognitive-behavior therapy , depression , negative self-talk.
Do social situations leave you fearful of judgment or embarrassment?
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